


something that i can't reach

by starrywrite



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Character Turned Into a Ghost, F/F, Grief/Mourning, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-25
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2019-04-08 00:33:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14093124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrywrite/pseuds/starrywrite
Summary: "it's never gonna happen," nancy says softly, her lips pinching into a thin line as she tries to keep her tears at bay."why not?" barb's eyebrows knit together, not understanding. not realizing. not knowing.the words that come out of her mouth next feel like a knife wound to her chest, and she almost chokes on them as she says, "because you died, barbara."





	something that i can't reach

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=prvvfscwqEw  
> that i had totally forgotten about until last night and then it broke me all over again so now here we are!!

nancy always preferred night to the day; something about the late hours of the moon and the stars just made everything around her feel much more alive than it is during the day. her eyes are closed, but she isn't asleep; she just lies there, breathing slowly and listening to everything around her. the wind blowing outside, the house creaking and settling, the steady rhythm of her heart beating in her chest.

next to her, she feels her bed dip with the weight of someone lying next to her. 

"can't sleep?" a familiar voice asks. a voice that sounds so much like home that it makes nancy's chest ache so painfully, she feels tears stinging at her eyes. 

nancy takes a moment to inhale deeply and swallow back her sadness. she doesn't startle at the sudden break in the silence; instead she just rolls over to lie on her side. "not really," she replies, her voice soft as not to wake anyone else in her house. 

"you were thinking too much again."

nancy raises an eyebrow. "how'd you know?"

"trust me i know. i can practically see the gears spinning inside of your mind," nancy chuckles a little. how could she even begin to doubt how well barb knows her? "so," her friend continues. "what's on your mind?" 

nancy shrugs as best as she can while lying down. "nothing really. everything? i don't know," she sighs at herself. "i don't know," she repeats. 

barb hums in reply. "you don't have to know, you know?" she tells her and nancy smirks a little at her choice of wording. "you don't have to have all of the answers."

"well that's a relief, because i definitely don't," nancy jokes and barb smiles at that, and it's like the warmth of the sun shining on nancy's face. god, she missed her smile. 

"oh, come on, now," barb says. "give yourself a bit more credit." nancy just shrugs again and barb asks her, "are you okay?"

"yeah." nancy says quickly -- a little too quickly -- then again for good measure (or to convince herself), "yeah, i'm fine." a silence falls over the two of them, and nancy just breathes in barb's presence, holding onto the time the two of them are spending together and wishing that somehow time could freeze and the two of them could spend the rest of forever like this. 

"yeah, me too," barb says and nancy realizes that she had been speaking aloud -- how much she had said, she didn't even know. maybe she should try to get some sleep. "i can't wait for the day that we live together, in some tiny, crappy apartment in the city," barb continues. nancy feels like crying again. "every night would be like this; just you and me, talking, hanging out. it would be like a sleepover that never ends." barb sighs wistfully. "i can't wait."

nancy doesn't say anything. she closes her eyes for a moment, willing her tears away and she inhale sharply, trying to breathe through the pain blooming throughout her chest. "what's wrong?" barb asks. 

for a moment she doesn't say anything, she can't find the words to say anything. finally, she just shakes her head a little, a sad smile on her face. "it's never gonna happen," nancy says softly, her lips pinching into a thin line as she tries to keep her tears at bay. 

"why not?" barb's eyebrows knit together, not understanding. not realizing. not knowing.

the words that come out of her mouth next feel like a knife wound to her chest, and she almost chokes on them as she says, "because you died, barbara."

barb looks confused, then crestfallen "but," she says slowly. "but i'm lying right here beside you. i'm right here."

nancy sniffles. "it's not real," she replies, forcing a smile for barb's sake. trying to convince her fallen heroine that she isn't hurting as badly as she is. "this isn't real."

at first, barb doesn't say anything. "it feels real," she eventually whispers. 

"i wish it was," nancy says, her voice breaking. she wipes at her cheek with one of her hands.

"don't cry, nance," barb reaches out to brush away one of her stray tears, her hand so cold that it hurts. her touch feels like pins and needles. "i'll still come back and visit." she pauses. "i can still come and visit, right?"

nancy manages a smile, albeit a small one. but a genuine one, nonetheless. "anytime you want," she tells her. 

"and you promise you won't forget me?" barb asks and nancy wants to laugh at the utter ridiculousness of her statement.

"how could i forget my greatest friend in the whole world?" she asks her. 

barb smiles again. the two of them lay there for a moment, neither of them saying anything, and nancy doesn't take her eyes off of her friend, desperate to make this moment last as long as it can. "i gotta go," barb finally whispers, breaking the silence. nancy doesn't say anything -- she can't, not without crying -- just nods her head. barb places her hand on nancy's, the sudden cold sending a sharp chill throughout her entire body, and as soon as she had arrived, she was gone. tears drip down nancy's face and onto her pillow, and slowly, she rolls over, away from where barb had just been, unable to face the not empty side of her bed. 

"it's okay," a voice says, almost echoing around her. it fills every inch of her room and nancy doesn't feel as alone anymore. "you know i love you, right?" 

a small smile tugs at her lips. "i know," she whispers and before she finally falls asleep, she whispers into her empty bedroom, "i love you too, barb."

**Author's Note:**

> i might turn this into a sort of 'ghost!barb' series??? idk what do you guys think lemme know :D
> 
> ps: i'm on tumblr!! http://creativityprince.tumblr.com/


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